Along with a few other executives, I sat in a circle inside prison in a discussion about belonging. It is a challenging subject since, on one hand, the desire to belong led to series of choices that resulted in a prison sentence; and on the other hand, the desire to belong when they are released will be challenged by the stereotypes associated with their incarceration.
As we discussed about the differences between “fitting in” and belonging, we spoke about being your authentic self; dealing with rejection; and learning how to tell your story (in a manner that did not overshare too soon). As the conversation continued, I could not help but feel a certain sadness. I was profoundly aware that very few of these ideas could be easily practiced or learned in prison, and I said as much. I have too much respect for these men who are trying to become something more than what this place requires to survive. Trust and respect, more often than not, require violence. Belonging is not simply earned, it is fought out. But these men want more than that.
I found myself telling them that they will have to unlearn how to belong. I didn’t know how to help them learn it, but I know they will need to learn that trust is not transactional. If we are really going to belong, then we learn to trust the human-being not simply the human-doing.
Can we trust the soul of a person more than their actions? I am aware how difficult this is – for any of us. But I think this is what is means for us to live in relationship with a God who calls us into deeper relationship with each other. I think this is what it means to be-longingly.