A few weeks ago, I finished reading Gregory Boyle’s latest book, Cherished Belonging, and I have been recommending it to everyone I know. If case you do not know him, Gregory Boyle is a Jesuit Priest and the founder of Homeboy Industries, both of which are the reason and foundation of his writings. Homeboy Industries is the largest and most successful gang rehabilitation program in the country and so his work and writing is deeply personal to me. He has written several other books, all of which I have read, but this one was a little different: mostly a reflection on what Greg has learned after decades of leading this work. There are two overarching principles:
Everyone is unshakably good (no exceptions)
We belong to each other (no exceptions)
But there was a story Greg relayed in his book as told from one of the “homies” (the name they give to their participants) that really gave me pause. In summary, it was a discussion about what this homie found challenging about the Homeboy program. The homie said that it was this one question on the intake form that really gave him (and everyone he knew) the most trouble: “The name of your emergency contact”.
They simply didn’t have one. No one to call if they got in trouble. No one who they were confident would be there for them.
This gives me pause. In the beginning, just about all of us had someone who helped us survive. Many of us had someones (I mean this intentionally) who helped us thrive. Now, many us feel isolated and alone. We struggle to belong to anyone.
Why?
Boyle writes about curiosity as a remedy for judgement. The judgement of others and ourselves leads to our isolation. We make statements instead of asking questions. We label quickly. We treat people as “others” and individuals rather than a part of us. We were no more created in isolation than we are to live in isolation. We belong. We just forgot how to do so. We let our judgement of someone define a person more than our curiosity might.
Judgement is almost always a factor when I speak with people about my work at PEP. Incarceration is a label that comes with quick and near universal judgement. Even if a person has done the time and the work, the labels overwhelm the curiosity – not about what, but about who. Who is this person before me?
Everyone is unshakably good (no exceptions)
We belong to each other (no exceptions)