Today, December 1st is a day that has crossed my mind many times over the past few months. Because today is World AIDS Day – the day we remember those who have died, or are suffering from, HIV/AIDS. Though AIDS-related deaths have decreased 60% since its peak in 2004, there are still about 38 million people living, and approximately 690,000 dying, with HIV/AIDS every year.[1]
I have spent 12 years, off and on in various capacities, volunteering with organizations who care for those who are suffering and/or dying from this terrible disease. Many hours have been spent by the side of people reduced to no more than skin and bones as they took their last breaths; and on the other side of the spectrum, playing games with children who contracted HIV from their mothers through birth. When I began this work in 2004, the stigmas and unknowns about HIV and AIDS evoked fear and worry. My parents were terrified that I may contract the virus from the children in my care, but I felt compelled to do what I could nevertheless.
At Bryan’s House in Dallas, I spent much of my time with two brothers whose lives continue to impact me to this day. Evan and Aaron were born with HIV, given to them from their mother who had already passed a few years before. At ages 8 and 11, they were on the extraordinary end of success rates among children born with HIV. They were joyful, playful children who loved to spend as much time outside as possible. I was often amazed at their energy, despite being “sick.” I was also astonished at the ease with which they took more pills in one day than I would take in a year. They lived each day fully, almost as if they understood that today could be their last day to feel well.
I wonder if we have taken the time to consider how much of our activity is spent distracting ourselves from our fear and pain rather than learning how to hold the tensions?
Evan and Aaron are just two of many names I remember every year on this day, but who have also been on my mind many other days in the midst of this pandemic. I have tried to live my life as they did: doing all that is required to stay healthy and keep others healthy, but also to live life fully, without too much concern for what my lie over the horizon.
Most years, I think we tend to forget those who are suffering from viruses like HIV/AIDS; however, my hope is that this year is a bit different. Not only because we need to remember those who have lived, but because we need to remember the lessons they have passed to us. At a time when sickness and death dominate our lives, we are reminded to live joyfully while also accepting our realities.
I wonder if we have taken the time to consider how much of our activity is spent distracting ourselves from our fear and pain rather than learning how to hold the tensions?
Today is a day when we can be thankful for all the progress we have made. It can be a day that gives us hope that Covid will not dominate our lives this way much longer; but today should also remind us that viruses do not just disappear. They are reminders that we will never be fully in control or able to anticipate what may come. So rather than look for a vaccine that will allow us to return to what once was, I believe we are challenged to embrace a different solution: to reduce the distractions and escapes that keep us from holding the joy and the fear in a healthy tension. May we look to people in our own lives, like Evan and Aaron, to show us how.