I first launched this website in 2009 as a platform for my homilies so that people could go back and listen to what was said. Perhaps because people felt weird whipping out their phone, or holding a pad and paper in church, or because they were wrestling with young children in the pews, people would not take notes at Mass – so I made the notes for them.
For 10 years, the site was updated just about every week – sometimes more, and then it just went dormant. Because after almost 20 years as a Basilian and 10 years as a priest, I made the difficult decision to leave and start my life over again. It took me roughly two years to find the courage to do it, and I lost a lot of weight in the process. Perhaps later on, I will expand on the reasons why, but it wasn’t because I felt called to leave the priesthood, so much as I felt called to let it evolve.
New life always requires the death of something. As followers have heard me say many, many times: there is no resurrection without a crucifixion.
But there is always a resurrection – sometimes you just have to wait for it. Or most of the time, it is that God has to wait on us. Often, we just need time to pray the prayer we were always meant to pray and to wrap our mind around what we are meant to do.
My heart has always lived in the intersection point between church and civic life. For better and worse, religion has been the single biggest driver of human activity since the beginning of civilization, but there is a disconnect. My hope was to be a bridge-builder; but the hard truth is that many people prefer walls to bridges. It is easier to put our hope in what we know, rather than trust in what is becoming.
Religion will always matter, and will always be a part of my life, just as it will always be a part of the world we know – but I also recognize that the conversation has shifted, and so must I. The search for meaning and purpose is more complicated now, because we are more aware of each other than we once were. So, rather than try to build a bridge from the side of religion; I am going to try to build a bridge from the world as most of us know it – meaningful work, raising children, and living with a partner who makes me better than I would be otherwise.
But the goal isn’t to get to the “other side” or connect two sides – because we don’t live in a world with two sides. The goal is to be a better bridge-builder, because goodness, we need bridges, much more than we need walls! (and even the bridges we have, are in desperate need of repair)
In many ways, my hope is to continue what I have been doing for the past 10 years, only now from a different point of view. To comment on the world we are living in and why and to ask questions that help us find the meaning and purpose to what we encounter in our lives.
Thank you for sharing this life change with us. I have wondered what you we’re doing and if you were well. Change of any kind is difficult but I like the term you used as evolving. It takes great courage to evolve and even harder to share with others for fear as to how it will be perceived. I applaud and support you as you begin life anew. I always enjoyed your homilies when you were at St Kenneth. I will keep you in my prayers and look forward to reading your messages. Go forward and be a builder of bridges. God bless you.