18 years out of 36 years of his life. That is how long this man had spent in prison. I am not sure what offense was committed at so young an age to warrant this amount of time – I rarely know and never feel the need to know this about anyone. It is simply not the point, because the person standing in front of me is not the person they were then – especially in this case.
As he is up for parole soon, we spoke about transition out. I cautioned that there is no way this would be easy for him – he will have to unlearn so much of what he learned inside – stuff he isn’t even aware of yet. We spoke the importance of learning to tell his story: not to shy away from his experience; rather to lean into it, limiting the details, but speaking about what you learned as a result of those details.
Many times, people are tempted to speak about where they are going “back” to. Back to home. Back to family. Back to the job they once had. Back. I tell people it is a word they need to strike from their vocabulary, because if they are going back, then all this is in vain.
The opportunity is to see this time as a type of formation, helping you to be someone you could not have been without this experience. I realize it can be a tall order, but if you don’t, then it will be easy to be angry when you get out. For better and worse, people are formed in prison. This is intentional. The question is what do you keep and what do you let go of. Somethings you learn to survive in the inside, but they have no place on the outside. My challenge is for guys to start thinking about what those things are. In doing so, you begin to tell you story, or really, you learn how to edit your story so that people you for who you are today.